2012-05-13 - What Would Hannah Say?
What I wanted to be is a mother. Is that too much to ask? I have this burden to nurture and raise a child in the sight of God. How is that bad? How can God deny me that? What does He know that I do not? What is the good of all this waiting? Perhaps it is to get a thick skin when Peninnah torments me. I admit she hurts my feelings. I let the pain consume me and don't feel like eating.
One day, I could not take it any more, so I went to the tabernacle to pray. I did not hide my feelings from the Lord. I told Him if He granted me a son, I would give the boy back to the Lord. I just wanted to be a mother. I told Eli the priest I was heavily grieved. He told me to go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him. (v17) I felt better and ate. It was in the Lord's hands. He knew my heart.
God answered my prayer! He blessed me and my husband Elkanah. We have a baby son, Samuel. His birth was bittersweet, as I knew I would not be able to raise Samuel. I had to keep my promise. Not seeing him on a daily basis was a sacrifice, but it helped to know Samuel was doing the Lord's will. I am a proud mother, to know my Samuel is ministering before the Lord.
Once a year, I would make Samuel a robe, and Elkanah and I would go visit him. My son was never far from my thoughts and prayers.
I did not ask for more children. It was so difficult to conceive the first time. I was just grateful Samuel was thriving and being used by the Lord. God provided even more than I could ask. I am now a mom to more children, three sons and two daughters. Now Samuel is an older brother! I am able to mother them from home.
Lord, It is hard to see other women enjoying being a mother. It is easy to get resentful. Help me to understand Your will for my life. Let me wait for Your perfect time. I thank You for all the blessings I already have, and I praise You for not keeping any good thing from me. I give my desires over to You. I no longer let them control who I am. In Your name I pray, Amen.