2003-03-22 - God's Will
I mentioned before, that as we have gone through a number of difficult places these last few months - and actually the last few years, I have really learned alot. One of the things I have learned is that, contrary to my own popular belief, I don't know better.
I found myself praying, pleading with God for what I thought was best. Things I thought were so important, ways He could, should, intervene. I remember praying for our son and asking God to do whatever it took, for Him to bring our son to Himself. I didn't realize at the time what I asking, or maybe what I was giving up. We mothers have a tendency to not want to let go of our kids. It doesn't matter if they are 2 months old, two years or twenty years and so on. They are our children. We want what is best for them. We want them to grow up and have good lives. We want them to experience as little pain as possible.
I remember one night, lying on the sofa at about 3 a.m. crying, asking God to please fix the "mess" once again. However, what I learned over and over, is that rather than praying for my will, I should be praying for His. God teaches us things in the "mess. Sometimes the best thing that could happen is the "mess" itself.
I had a picture of things, a picture that I wanted to see happen; God had a plan. The more things we were faced with, the more I realized that I did not know what was best, sometimes, even how to pray.
One night, feeling totally overwhemled, realizing that I did not even know what to ask God to do, I found myself asking God for His will for my life, for my family and for the kids - and for the grace to accept whatever that is. I was at the end of my own ideas, thoughts, hopes - and I guess at the end of myself.
That prayer has become a daily prayer for me now. Maybe we all battle with getting ourselves out of the way so God can work. His plan is often not what I would have thought would be best. Sometimes I can't see what He is doing, nor do I understand it. But I do know that He is in control of everything that happens. If we believe Romans 8:28, then we believe that ALL things happen for the GOOD, for those who LOVE GOD and are called according to HIS purpose.
Even in the worst situations, we can trust Him, knowing that God, who did not spare His own Son, would not withhold any good thing from His chidren.
I am glad God allows us to get to the end of ourselves. It was not a pretty picture getting there, but knowing I can trust Him to do what is best in my life and in the lives of the people I love has given new meaning to being free in Christ.
In His Service,